I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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