community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
