He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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