You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.