I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar