the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...