Is that why you're texting me
there's paper in my vomit.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no