Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea