So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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