Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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