put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
