I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You can't special order awesome
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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