Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
