): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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