What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
