I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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