did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
