oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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