I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
birth control should be required to get into college
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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