fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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