we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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