I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
