don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
