Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
