Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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