I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When are your genitals available?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
