Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
