we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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