I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My life is pants optional.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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