That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
