my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
