1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
