Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
