I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
