I am puke
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The convent might be a nice break from real life
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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