you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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