i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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