You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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