she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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