Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
