Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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