i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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