Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
