We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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