I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
