We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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