hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize