Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
