He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize