yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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