I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
soo... how was my night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
