He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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