I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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