Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So much rum. So many feels.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
