i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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