I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
