While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
