if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
