if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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