I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
