How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
