He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
