it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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