you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Randomize
