Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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