Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
