dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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