He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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