My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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