dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
this is an emotional support booty call
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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