I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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