I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
third nipple confirmed
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
