We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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