My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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