I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
