Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
