You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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