Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
