Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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