I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I need moral support for this bender
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You're a waste of cheezeits
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
