After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Randomize
